This is the blog of Artist/Scientist/Programmer/Chef/Designer Zavier Henderson.

Saturday, December 24, 2016

We are Playing a Game

If life is a simulation, like some of the minds that have shaped our lives (and therefore minds), like to think. What are we simulating? What rules besides physics govern our existence? I believe that we exist in reality caught between heaven and hell. Unlike some religious views I don't see these things as places we have yet to go. I see it as we are in heaven and hell simultaneously. We create our lives as much as we create our deaths. All I can find meaning in is knowledge. 

I know not what actual religious texts portray heaven as. When I was more a child I was told it's the place you go when you die if your really good, that it's a place of clouds, pure joy, and where god lives. I was told I would be reunited with others who have passed on and live forever with them. But skeptic child me kept poking holes in this belief when I was a kid I thought dying is just like having your eyes shut for the rest of time, as in still conscious but in a body that cant do anything. It wasn't until 9th grade that the true terror of death started to haunt me. I like to think and to think that I would stop thinking and knowing when I died kept me up at night and started making me worry about my eventual death, and worry about dumb people or forces killing me before I could actually make a change to the way we live on this rock. 

I have now come to terms with this and am trying to avoid deadly dumb things. I stopped seeing heaven as a cloud with everyone I know on it, that seemed more like hell to me. I now see heaven as the place where all of my dreams come true, and I don't mean those weird hallucinations we have when we sleep. Although some of those can be very heavenly. I think we can all from experience understand what heaven and hell feels like. Cuddling with something soft vs. an existential thought hole where everything you hear is death telling you to give up; feeling good for yourself and your achievements vs. being let down at the realization that no one you know will ever understand you.

Finding heaven is taking comfort in the thought holes and let downs, you can let your life be a roller coaster dipping in and out these states of mind. Or your life could be a joke, because your life is a joke, we are all jokes. Dante wasn't explaining hellse-where he was explaining your life and my life and life in general. We are a divine comedy right here and now. Our deaths are our punchline, can you not see the cosmic owl or some other godly being watching over every devout christian prepared to go to heaven as they suddenly realized they wasted every Sunday of their lives sitting and being tame, believing that the person of true goodness and purity was some man in the sky or a crucified guy and not themselves. I am saying that heaven is whatever heavenly experiences and true good you take the time and effort to craft here on earth. Even if there is a life after death, who is to say its not the same one where you are a dingus and don't do anything with your gift and just die waiting to do it all again. I believe in the soul but nothing more as a boolean across all realities, without memory or information besides the ability to occupy and witness, I also believe that animals have a soul and that we are just retarded animals.

The only people to define good and evil is ourselves. Some may struggle with the idea that they are evil while some may just think they are good while being evil. But only because they weren't taught otherwise, I believe you can only teach yourself and when every person is just someone else's person in a comfortable cushy path to death because its profitable of course no one will pursue the darkest parts of their mind and the darkest parts of this world. I only know/think what I do because I am not comfortable, I am laying down in a bed made by machines and typing this blog post on a computer based off of actual slavery (I say actual because we are all slaves to something but this is like text book slavery). I am not comfortable in houses that I don't understand and didn't build. I really only derive pleasure from learning and proving knowledge to myself and to others. I would rather build a house that I know and understand than live in one made of things that may not be ethical or sustainable, I only live in a house like that now because I am collecting knowledge and tools on the backs of everyone before me so I can play a game that I would be proud to have someone continue in my place. 

Right now we are playing a game that only benefits the higher level players and retards the other low level players into acceptance of crappy products and believing that they just aren't working hard enough. It's sad to think that most of the games the next generations of people aren't reflective of the actual game we all play. Not the game of politics or economy, the game of nature and natural law. I miss running around playing tag it is a valuable game, as is hide and seek, they teach you how to survive in a world ruled by natural law; predators and prey. This mental_floss post sparked this blog post, because all these games are creative and fun while hinting at the futility of life. I want to raise my kids playing games like this and a select few video games if my computer is still alive and I have power (if I have kids; I really want to adopt). But there are too many pointless video games and TV shows to say "have at it kids", humans take the path of least resistance and I don't want them to squander my gifts to them. I hope I have convinced you of my beliefs in some way. 

Deaths are hilarious but not understanding why they died is like hearing the butt end of a good joke and just not getting it. I hope you will find my life of trying to forge a living for myself not based off of the subjugation or pointless desires of others amusing or perhaps inspiring, I am just a joke after all. Choose how you laugh at me wisely, for it says more about you than it does me. 

P.S. If this was too dark and weird for you I am sorry. Keep living what ever life you are, but just make sure to think about what you are doing and tailor your choices to fit something less celebratory, you aren't special you are a retard like the rest of us. Let's make a future we can be proud of living instead of just being ignorant or sarcastic to get through life. Relevance is one of the most humorous forces, be relevant, be the change, be the laughing stock of the comfortable and the wicked. It's the only way that we will have any affect. You have the chance to be powerful, and that chance isn't one that anyone can give to you. You are more than a mindless mouth with a wallet in a box, get out of the box to truly realize this.                  

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